My Twisted Shapes

Change, the word strikes fear into the very core of my soul. It grabs me by the foundations to which I hold, and shakes me until the cord of strength that binds me together snaps. Now I am broken. There is no hope for me. The bits and pieces of my life that once were so perfectly knit together are now scattered around me. They are twisted and deformed into shapes that I cannot identify. I pick them up, put them back together, and try to move on. But I am never the same. The pieces are different, they appear to be wrong. I have changed. The world is constantly changing. The evolution and growth of humanity plus the circle of life itself equals change. People die, relationships break, and best friends move away. A good friend once said to me, "People change. You change. I change. We are all constantly changing. The truth is I am not the same person that I was 6 months ago. Neither are you." This statement is so true. Nothing ever stays the same way for long. I for one, hate change, I kick, I cry and I do everything I possibly can to avoid it. Yet still I change. Countless times I have sat down and cried for fear of the unknown. For this is the root of the problem. I am not afraid of adventure. I am not afraid to grow up. I fear not knowing what lies ahead of me. I fear failure, I fear pain, I fear losing relationships, and I fear forgetting. I never want to forget where I came from or what I stand for. I never want to forget the changes that made me who I am. These are the changes that are essential to our world. The positive changes that shape life and beauty into its proper form. In actuality all change carves us into who we are. But the question is whether the change has built us up strong, or if it has bent us over and made us weak. I have learned over time that even through terribly hard situations we can be made strong. We can be forced to carry a weight so heavy that it feels as if we are about to break. What we don't realize is that these are the times that build our characters up and make us strong. I believe that we all need to have change in order to have effective growth in our lives. It has taken me many years to understand this. As much as I hate change when it is happening, in the end I am very grateful that it has happened to me. I have learned to pick up the individual twisted and deformed shapes of my life and fit them back together. Yes I am different. Yes I have changed. But now I am more beautiful because of it.