I Remember... The Day My Little World Ended.

It was 2 a.m. and I laid there staring at the ceiling.
6 little people were stacked around me breathing slowly and steadily. Each had their own little night persona:
John: The Throat Clearer
Jeremiah: The Snorer
Abigail: The Teeth Grinder/Smacker
Lexi: The Talker
Justice: The Cougher
Jackson: The Kicker
"How annoying," I thought. "How the heck am I suppose to get any sleep around here? " I jumped off of my bunk bed just barely missing my little brother who was sprawled out on the floor below. A lego stabbed the bottom of my foot. I stumbled blindly toward my walk-in-closet. Finally I found the door knob, but not before I smashed the life out of my baby toe on a wooden bedpost.
Words ran through my head... Angry words... 2 a.m. is not a graceful hour by any means.

I switched on the light to my closet and sat there on the floor pondering the last 6 weeks of my life.

6 weeks had past since I said goodbye to my childhood.

I remembered the morning I left, waking up in my best friends bedroom. The look in her eye as I said goodbye. The tight squeeze that she gave me before I climbed into the car.

I remembered my older brother. His huge hug and raspy voice as he said goodbye to his whole family. Never again would his life be the same either.

I remembered walking around in my empty house that last morning: reliving memories, hearing familiar voices, smelling the smells of home.

I remembered all too vividly the tears in my grandmother's eyes and the enormous lump in my throat as I said goodbye to her lovely face, not knowing when I would see her next.

I remembered the last Sunday at my church in Wichita: the tears, the hugs, the prayers, the encouragement.

I remember feeling like there were no more tears left inside of me. I remember feeling like I would never sleep soundly again. I remember feeling like the light inside of me was dying.

Before I knew it, I was on the floor in my little closet crying and wishing I could just have my best friend with me that very moment. Or run over to give my grandma a hug. Anything to feel home again.

My thoughts continued...

I remembered the long nights my dad put in to get my family moved. The extra trip he squeezed in to get all of our stuff here. The heavy boxes he lifted. The ounces of sweat he poured out.

I remembered his smiling face every morning. His big loud encouraging voice getting my family through the long painful 2 day trip down here.

I remembered that my dad heard God's call on his life. A very specific call. And just like Moses and Abraham, he was following His lead.

I remembered my momma's busy hands preparing food. Washing what seemed like a million loads of laundry. I remembered her quiet but strong spirit. The glue to my family.

I remembered the evening we arrived in Mississippi. Seeing the magnolias blooming on the trees. Feeling the moisture in the air hit me after being in the car so long.

I remembered moving again after just 2 weeks of being here.

I remembered the the homeless people walking around on the streets at our first home in MS. I was lucky to have a home.

I remembered the day we ran out of money and there was a check in the mail box. I was lucky to have food.

I remembered the family that lived in our apartment complex a few doors down. A family from another country who moved here with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They were here because God pulled at their hearts and said "follow ME!" And they came.

Suddenly in those wee hours of the night it dawned on me. God is using the people around me to show me how big life really is. These people are giving up their jobs, their social statuses, their savings accounts, their personal space, and all of their worldly American dreams to serve God.
It's not about school. It's not about seminary. It's not about a graduate degree. It's about serving God with everything that they have. It's about following the path that God has set before them.
Many people want to serve. And so many people pray to God saying, "Here I am Lord, send me!" But do they really mean it? If God sent you would you go? If God said to you, "Go! Leave everything that you know and love and serve Me in a foreign land." Would you really go?
I sure wouldn't. Or at least not on my own. I would have never given up my room, space, friends or life without God dragging me down here to show me what I needed to see.
It really is life changing to see people so focused on following Christ and bringing glory to His name and sharing the gospel to other people that the other things of the world just fade away.
I hope that one day I will be able to be like these people. I hope that I will dedicate every breath that He has given me to loving people and serving God in whatever He has called me to do.
I went to bed that night grateful for the things that I was experiencing. Yes, I was sharing my bedroom. But so were my siblings. I realized that there was so much more to my life than a bedroom of my own.
God is calling me to a higher purpose, He has called me to give up personal space and property to take a look at the deeper meaning of life. He is pushing me outside of my comfort zone so that I can see what it means to totally rely on Christ for my needs.

A few months ago my secure little world fell apart. I never thought I would say this... But that was probably the best things that has ever happened to me.
God is SO much bigger than I ever can imagine.
~Matthew 6: 24
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."